It is important to note that although I am using specific gender identifications, I am not intentionally meaning to exclude or generalize behaviors unfairly based on someone’s preferred gender identification.
This article is an example of themes I have heard in my experience as a couples therapist from heterosexual, cisgender couples. However, this content has and can be a theme in any relationship, regardless of gender and identification.
“Help! Why does she keep bringing up the past? Nothing I do is ever good enough.”
Does this quote sound familiar? One recurring theme I hear from many of my couples is the issue of repairing past conflict. Generally speaking, there have been similarities from what I have heard many men experience and say vs. their female counterparts.
Some examples are:
“Why does she keep bringing up the past? It never stops.”
“She never lets things go.”
“She’s so negative.”
“She never sees my attempts at making things better.”
“I am always wrong.”
“She is always nagging at me for something.”
“I don’t get how one little thing can erupt a huge argument about something unrelated that happened months ago.”
And many more…
How to Keep the relationship Going?
It can be challenging to handle a relationship when one partner keeps bringing up the past. There can be many reasons why this happens, and it’s important to understand the underlying issues to address them effectively.
One reason could be that your partner is feeling insecure in the relationship and is bringing up past events as a way to feel reassured 1. Another reason could be that your partner is still hurt by something that happened in the past and hasn’t fully moved on from it.
It’s important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your concerns and work together towards finding a solution. If you’re having trouble resolving these issues on your own, consider seeking help from a couples therapist or counselor.